A Simple Metaphor for the Republican Party

Like they say, a picture (or in this case, video) is worth a thousand words. Here's a couple that come to mind. Irresponsible. Thoughtless. Crude. Uncaring. Refusing to accept personal responsibility. Okay, that's more than a couple. But in a nutshell, nothing sums up the Republican Party like shitting and running.

Domestic Terrorism

WE PETITION THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION TO:

Designate the National Rifle Association (NRA) and its officers the enablers of Domestic Terrorism that they are.

Terrorism (Noun): Systematic use of violence to create a general climate of fear in a population and thereby to bring about a particular political objective. It has been used throughout history by political organizations of both the left and the right, by nationalist and ethnic groups, and by revolutionaries. Terrorism's impact has been magnified by the deadliness and technological sophistication of modern-day weapons. The National Rifle Association (NRA) and its officers have encouraged and enabled the use of violence by facilitating the spread of modern day weapons of mass destruction through instilling fear in politicians and the general populace as a political objective in stopping the rational and reasonable regulation of weapons of mass destruction.

Created: Dec 16, 2012

Issues: Criminal Justice and Law Enforcement, Firearms, Homeland Security and Disaster Relief

We now have 30 days to get 25,000 signatures in order for your petition to be reviewed by the White House. Until the petition has 150 signatures, it will only be available from the following URL and will not be publicly viewable on the Open Petitions section of We the People:

http://wh.gov/RM5z

PLEASE SIGN AND SHARE. Thank You!

Saving the Elusive Seattle Republican

Today was a significant day in the field of political conservation here in Seattle. The Republican Caucuses were held today in Washington State, just as they are every four years. Political scientists and urban conservationists always get excited about this event because this is the best opportunity, happening as it does only once every four years, to get a glimpse of the critically endangered Seattle Republican. According to the Seattle Audubon Christmas Bird Count, only three (3) Seattle Republicans were counted this past season.


Seattle Republicans (Modica Republicanas) are members of the flock of Moderate Republicans once ubiquitous in Seattle and across Washington State. Democratic accounts of early Seattle paint the city teeming with suspender-clad Moderate Republicans. Seattle even elected a Republican mayor back in the 1960s, although his name escapes us just now. The last notable Moderate Republican was Governor Daniel J. Evans, who served as governor of Washington State back in the 1970s.

The numbers of Moderate Republicans plummeted precipitously beginning in the 1960s and 1970s, for several reasons. Climate change was one. But the primary reason was the ill-conceived introduction for sport hunting of the ferocious California Republican (Parasitica Republicanas). The introduced California Republicans overwhelmed the native Moderate Republicans in their native habitat. Moderate Republicans were driven into isolation in ever smaller urban enclaves. Eventually the groups of Moderate Republicans became so isolated they stopped interacting and breeding with calamitous results for the general population.

Political scientists, especially at the University of Washington, and urban conservationists first took notice of this problem in the 1980s, when the California Republicans turned on the dominant species in Washington State, the Progressive Democrats (Progressivum Popularus). Democrats, especially in Seattle and Western Washington, proved impervious to assault by California Republicans, and readily established a stranglehold on the political environment of Seattle and Western Washington. No Republican, native or introduced, has been able to win elective citywide office in Seattle for example since the 1970s. Eastern Washington proved to be another problem, however. The drought and heat-stricken scrub lands of Eastern Washington proved somewhat conducive to supporting populations of the nonnative California Republicans, probably because the environment more closely resembles that of their native California. But the flocks of California Republicans have never been able to establish themselves in Eastern Washington in numbers any where near great enough to challenge the hegemony of Seattle Democrats.

Anyway, by the turn of the century it was clear that the population of native Moderate Republicans could no longer be sustained without intervention. By the 1980s Seattle Republicans were recognized as a Critically Endangered Species. A permit system was introduced by the City of Seattle and a Catch and Release Policy enforced (SMC 12-34-1984). Even these drastic measures proved ineffective.

Political scientists and urban conservationists at the University of Washington sounded the alarm, and started pressing the City of Seattle to institute a captive breeding program, before Seattle Republicans went the way of the Spix's Macaw. The UDub professors enlisted the assistance of Seattle's Woodland Park Zoo. The zoo agreed to hold and maintain any Seattle Republicans that could be captured. Seeing how Seattle Republicans were fearful and nocturnal in the best of times, political scientists determined that the date of the Washington Republican Caucus was probably the last best chance to capture any surviving Seattle Republicans.

Woodland Park Zoo enclosure erected specifically to house Seattle Republicans

Political science students and concerned amateur urban conservationists spread out across Seattle today staking out known locations of Republican caucuses. Scientists and conservationists became excited early in the afternoon when a report was received of a female Seattle Republican searching for a caucus. There has been no confirmed sighting of a female Seattle Republican since 2004. Upon further examination, however, the image provided proved to be that of an introduced California Republican.

BREAKING: We have just received word from the Political Science Department at the University of Washington and Woodland Park Zoo officials that a specimen of Seattle Republican has been captured, and is awaiting transport to Woodland Park Zoo. We have received a copy of a photo of this specimen, and once officials confirm this is an actual Seattle Republican we will post more information in a blog post update. Stay Tuned!

Our God Can Kick Your God's Butt!

Garuda, King of the Birds and Messenger of the Gods

If you're like us, you're probably disgusted by now with the Hypocrite Republicans and Radical Right Wing Nut Religious Bigots trying to force their theology down our throats! Well, we're fighting back. We want Religious Right Wing Nuts to know that our god can kick their god's butt any day of the week.

Garuda is depicted as having the golden body of a strong man with red wings and an eagle's beak, and wearing a crown on his head. This ancient deity was said to be massive, large enough to block out the sun. Garuda is invoked as a symbol of impetuous violent force, of speed, and of martial prowess. Garuda is so powerful that even Krishna carries the image of Garuda on his banner. According to the great Sanskrit epic Mahabharata, when Garuda first burst forth from his egg, he appeared as a raging inferno equal to the cosmic conflagration that consumes the world at the end of every age. Frightened, the gods begged him for mercy. Garuda, hearing their plea, reduced himself in size and energy. Even in Buddhism Garuda is a feared deva or deity. In Buddhist myth Garuda's wings are said to have a span of many miles. According to Buddhist lore when Garuda's wings flap, they create hurricane-force winds that darken the sky and blow down houses. A human being is so small compared to Garuda that a man can hide in his plumage without even being noticed.

All we can say is Garuda is one Bad-Ass deity we want on our side, battling for Truth, Justice, and the American Way!

The Zen Parrot Daily

Try as we might, it's hard to keep up with all the Republican stupidity in today's world! Nazi cross-dressers. Witches. War criminals. Total bimbos! Did we mention lesbian themed bondage strip clubs? Our personal favorite. So we created our own Twitter newspaper, The Zen Parrot Daily to help us keep track of all the stupidity in the country and the world today. We follow scores of bloggers and websites so you don't need to! Each and every day a new edition is issued compiling the best work of all our favorite writers and bloggers, including such luminaries as Keith Olbermann, Rachel Maddow, Emperor Bob, Greenpeace, The Sierra Club, World Parrot Trust, Mira Tweeti, siouxeqq, Ariana Huffington, the POTUS himself, and many many more! You can receive these daily updates simply by subscribing to our Twitter feed, @The_Zen_Parrot.

Republican Stupid Watch

The Zen Parrot is pleased to announce a new feature: Republican Stupid Watch. Republican stupidity knows few bounds, so it's hard to know where to begin! Sarah Palin is enough to give any thinking person a headache. But with Republican Stupid Watch we can at least monitor the highlights (or lowlights) of Republican Stupidity! Bring your own aspirin!

We are dumbfounded that there can actually be a Republican Jackass more stupid than Sarah Palin. No surprise that this particular Republican Jackass comes from South Carolina, which sports a philandering Republican Jackass at its head:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/robert-creamer/wilson-is-the-poster-chil_b_281918.html

Clearly General Sherman didn't do enough!

I Don't Want Our Schools Turned Over To Some Socialist Movement!

Our head is simply going to explode trying to figure out if Republicans (especially Texas Republicans) can become Any More FUCKING STUPID Than They Already Are???

Exactly how STUPID does someone have to be not to want the President of these United States telling kids to behave in school?

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/04/us/04school.html?_r=4&hp

Wondering just how brain dead and stupid conservatives are? Well, this video from the Las Vegas Town Hall should give you a clear picture! Conservatives endorse Hitler over healthcare! Bring your own aspirin.

When Republican Stupid reaches its inevitable and violent conclusion, surely the Morons and Dickheads Rush and Glen and Ann and Monica will blame President Obama for the sad state of affairs!

http://abcnews.go.com/Blotter/story?id=8324481&page=1

Republicans demonstrate once and for all that the Party of No has ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING INTEREST in saving taxpayers dollars, reducing health care costs, or reforming any fucking thing:

http://thehill.com/leading-the-news/finance-committee-to-drop-end-of-life-provision-2009-08-13.html

It may not come as a surprise that Republican senators like Chuck Grassley are Total Fucking Morons! But you'd think at least one of their staff members would have half a brain to keep them in line!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/08/12/grassley-endorses-death-p_n_257677.html

Sarah Palin is Totally Fucking Out of Her Mind!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/08/10/palin-backs-off-death-pan_n_255317.html

More Republican Stupid. First we had the Birthers. Now we have the Deathers, who are convinced that the government wants to kill your grandma: Rachel Maddow on Obama versus the Deathers.

Nearly one out of every two (47 percent) Republicans are certified Flat Earthers, believing, according to the latest Daily Kos/Research 2000 poll that the American and African continents were never joined at the hip:

http://www.dailykos.com/statepoll/2009/7/30/US/320

The New Republican Motto: Don't Confuse Us With the Facts!

Totally Fucking Stupid is Spelled: S A R A H P A L I N

I can see Totally Fucking Stupid from my front door:

http://tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com/2009/08/palin-obamas-death-panel-could-kill-my-down-syndrome-baby.php

Ace of Spades: Deck of 54 War Criminal Playing Cards: George Dubya Bush

George Dubya Bush. Alcoholic draft-dodging lying war criminal Neocon stooge! What more is there to say?

WORST PRESIDENT IN HISTORY!

Murderer!

Iraqi body count now at 110,600 Iraqis killed, and counting, according to the government of Iraq.

Torturer!

And lied about it!

Stole the 2000 election. Engineered an illegal war on false pretenses. Subverted the Constitution of the United States. Depleted the treasury, and drove the economy into the toilet! If this doesn't fall under the definition of Traitor, I don't know what does.

And what is the punishment for sedition?

Whig Redux

Whig (hwig, wig), n.

1.   Amer. Hist.

      b. a member of a political party (c1834–1855) that was formed in opposition to the Democratic party, and favored economic expansion and a high protective tariff, while opposing the strength of the presidency in relation to the legislature.

Whig Party (United States)

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

The party was ultimately destroyed by the question of whether to allow the expansion of slavery to the territories. With deep fissures in the party on this question, the anti-slavery faction successfully prevented the nomination of its own incumbent President Fillmore in the 1852 presidential election; instead, the party nominated General Winfield Scott, who was soundly defeated. Its leaders quit politics (as Lincoln did temporarily) or changed parties. The voter base defected to the Republican Party, various coalition parties in some states, and to the Democratic Party. By the 1856 presidential election, the party had lost its ability to maintain a national coalition of effective state parties and endorsed Millard Fillmore, now of the American Party, at its last national convention.

Don't say History doesn't repeat itself! The Republican Party Whigs Out!