Just a Reminder

Just a reminder from our Blue and Gold Macaw #Parrot Aboo about who cleaned up the mess left by the last batch of Republican clowns:

A photo posted by The Zen Parrot (@the_zen_parrot) on Jul 21, 2016 at 10:44am PDT

A Simple Metaphor for the Republican Party

Like they say, a picture (or in this case, video) is worth a thousand words. Here's a couple that come to mind. Irresponsible. Thoughtless. Crude. Uncaring. Refusing to accept personal responsibility. Okay, that's more than a couple. But in a nutshell, nothing sums up the Republican Party like shitting and running.

Operation American Spring 2014 Washington Mall Hot Dog Stand Putsch

One picture truly is worth a thousand words!

Suppose You Were an Idiot, and Suppose You Were a Member of Congress; but I Repeat Myself

Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.

Mark Twain

Climate Change is virtually indisputable and supported nearly unanimously by climate scientists. Probably no other topic of scientific study is more universally accepted by the scientific community, except maybe the Earth revolving around the Sun. Only Totally Batshit Crazy Fucking Morons can dispute global warming. Or Republicans. Which is where Mark Twain comes in.

Two days after a United Nations report warned of increased famine, war, and poverty from unmitigated carbon emissions, the Republican-dominated House of Representatives passed a bill that would require the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) to focus less on studying climate change, and more on predicting storms.

Almost unprecedented for Republican legislation, the bill requires the federal government to actually spend money, mandating firstly that NOAA purchase paper bags, and secondly that all government scientists be required to place those paper bags over their heads when performing their official government duties.

A provision of the legislation directs NOAA to solicit the funding for said paper bags, or actual donations of bags, from one of the Koch Brothers' paper companies. Critics immediately slammed Congress for passing this bill, warning that traffic accidents are surely to increase if government scientists are required to drive to meetings and appointments with paper bags over their heads. An aide to Republican House Speaker John Boehner responded:

The House of Representatives is willing to accept a certain amount of traffic inconvenience to ensure the objectivity of government research.

In the Senate, the office of Democratic Majority Leader Harry Reid responded that this legislation is simply another corporate welfare giveaway to the Koch Brothers, and is Dead on Arrival in the United States Senate.

Domestic Terrorism

WE PETITION THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION TO:

Designate the National Rifle Association (NRA) and its officers the enablers of Domestic Terrorism that they are.

Terrorism (Noun): Systematic use of violence to create a general climate of fear in a population and thereby to bring about a particular political objective. It has been used throughout history by political organizations of both the left and the right, by nationalist and ethnic groups, and by revolutionaries. Terrorism's impact has been magnified by the deadliness and technological sophistication of modern-day weapons. The National Rifle Association (NRA) and its officers have encouraged and enabled the use of violence by facilitating the spread of modern day weapons of mass destruction through instilling fear in politicians and the general populace as a political objective in stopping the rational and reasonable regulation of weapons of mass destruction.

Created: Dec 16, 2012

Issues: Criminal Justice and Law Enforcement, Firearms, Homeland Security and Disaster Relief

We now have 30 days to get 25,000 signatures in order for your petition to be reviewed by the White House. Until the petition has 150 signatures, it will only be available from the following URL and will not be publicly viewable on the Open Petitions section of We the People:

http://wh.gov/RM5z

PLEASE SIGN AND SHARE. Thank You!

What Price Freedom?

Are you faced with the difficulty of finding an appropriate Christmas present for your Secessionist Republican White Supremacist Survivalist Teabagger Mormon uncle in North Idaho who is always going on about United Nations Black Helicopters and Uppity Black Folks in US White Houses? Well, problem solved! We have the perfect item for you.

Tin Foil Squares! You read this right. One square foot sheets of tin foil. Perfect to protect against the Zombie Apocalypse and UN Mind Control. And for the Low! Low! price of $1,000.00. But hurry. You need to order now.

You scoff at the notion of paying $1,000.00 for a square foot sheet of tin foil. To which we reply:

What Price Freedom!

As your uncle will tell you after he places the tin foil cap on his head, better to be safe than sorry!

Four More Years!

Saving the Elusive Seattle Republican

Today was a significant day in the field of political conservation here in Seattle. The Republican Caucuses were held today in Washington State, just as they are every four years. Political scientists and urban conservationists always get excited about this event because this is the best opportunity, happening as it does only once every four years, to get a glimpse of the critically endangered Seattle Republican. According to the Seattle Audubon Christmas Bird Count, only three (3) Seattle Republicans were counted this past season.


Seattle Republicans (Modica Republicanas) are members of the flock of Moderate Republicans once ubiquitous in Seattle and across Washington State. Democratic accounts of early Seattle paint the city teeming with suspender-clad Moderate Republicans. Seattle even elected a Republican mayor back in the 1960s, although his name escapes us just now. The last notable Moderate Republican was Governor Daniel J. Evans, who served as governor of Washington State back in the 1970s.

The numbers of Moderate Republicans plummeted precipitously beginning in the 1960s and 1970s, for several reasons. Climate change was one. But the primary reason was the ill-conceived introduction for sport hunting of the ferocious California Republican (Parasitica Republicanas). The introduced California Republicans overwhelmed the native Moderate Republicans in their native habitat. Moderate Republicans were driven into isolation in ever smaller urban enclaves. Eventually the groups of Moderate Republicans became so isolated they stopped interacting and breeding with calamitous results for the general population.

Political scientists, especially at the University of Washington, and urban conservationists first took notice of this problem in the 1980s, when the California Republicans turned on the dominant species in Washington State, the Progressive Democrats (Progressivum Popularus). Democrats, especially in Seattle and Western Washington, proved impervious to assault by California Republicans, and readily established a stranglehold on the political environment of Seattle and Western Washington. No Republican, native or introduced, has been able to win elective citywide office in Seattle for example since the 1970s. Eastern Washington proved to be another problem, however. The drought and heat-stricken scrub lands of Eastern Washington proved somewhat conducive to supporting populations of the nonnative California Republicans, probably because the environment more closely resembles that of their native California. But the flocks of California Republicans have never been able to establish themselves in Eastern Washington in numbers any where near great enough to challenge the hegemony of Seattle Democrats.

Anyway, by the turn of the century it was clear that the population of native Moderate Republicans could no longer be sustained without intervention. By the 1980s Seattle Republicans were recognized as a Critically Endangered Species. A permit system was introduced by the City of Seattle and a Catch and Release Policy enforced (SMC 12-34-1984). Even these drastic measures proved ineffective.

Political scientists and urban conservationists at the University of Washington sounded the alarm, and started pressing the City of Seattle to institute a captive breeding program, before Seattle Republicans went the way of the Spix's Macaw. The UDub professors enlisted the assistance of Seattle's Woodland Park Zoo. The zoo agreed to hold and maintain any Seattle Republicans that could be captured. Seeing how Seattle Republicans were fearful and nocturnal in the best of times, political scientists determined that the date of the Washington Republican Caucus was probably the last best chance to capture any surviving Seattle Republicans.

Woodland Park Zoo enclosure erected specifically to house Seattle Republicans

Political science students and concerned amateur urban conservationists spread out across Seattle today staking out known locations of Republican caucuses. Scientists and conservationists became excited early in the afternoon when a report was received of a female Seattle Republican searching for a caucus. There has been no confirmed sighting of a female Seattle Republican since 2004. Upon further examination, however, the image provided proved to be that of an introduced California Republican.

BREAKING: We have just received word from the Political Science Department at the University of Washington and Woodland Park Zoo officials that a specimen of Seattle Republican has been captured, and is awaiting transport to Woodland Park Zoo. We have received a copy of a photo of this specimen, and once officials confirm this is an actual Seattle Republican we will post more information in a blog post update. Stay Tuned!

Our God Can Kick Your God's Butt!

Garuda, King of the Birds and Messenger of the Gods

If you're like us, you're probably disgusted by now with the Hypocrite Republicans and Radical Right Wing Nut Religious Bigots trying to force their theology down our throats! Well, we're fighting back. We want Religious Right Wing Nuts to know that our god can kick their god's butt any day of the week.

Garuda is depicted as having the golden body of a strong man with red wings and an eagle's beak, and wearing a crown on his head. This ancient deity was said to be massive, large enough to block out the sun. Garuda is invoked as a symbol of impetuous violent force, of speed, and of martial prowess. Garuda is so powerful that even Krishna carries the image of Garuda on his banner. According to the great Sanskrit epic Mahabharata, when Garuda first burst forth from his egg, he appeared as a raging inferno equal to the cosmic conflagration that consumes the world at the end of every age. Frightened, the gods begged him for mercy. Garuda, hearing their plea, reduced himself in size and energy. Even in Buddhism Garuda is a feared deva or deity. In Buddhist myth Garuda's wings are said to have a span of many miles. According to Buddhist lore when Garuda's wings flap, they create hurricane-force winds that darken the sky and blow down houses. A human being is so small compared to Garuda that a man can hide in his plumage without even being noticed.

All we can say is Garuda is one Bad-Ass deity we want on our side, battling for Truth, Justice, and the American Way!

The Zen Parrot Daily

Try as we might, it's hard to keep up with all the Republican stupidity in today's world! Nazi cross-dressers. Witches. War criminals. Total bimbos! Did we mention lesbian themed bondage strip clubs? Our personal favorite. So we created our own Twitter newspaper, The Zen Parrot Daily to help us keep track of all the stupidity in the country and the world today. We follow scores of bloggers and websites so you don't need to! Each and every day a new edition is issued compiling the best work of all our favorite writers and bloggers, including such luminaries as Keith Olbermann, Rachel Maddow, Emperor Bob, Greenpeace, The Sierra Club, World Parrot Trust, Mira Tweeti, siouxeqq, Ariana Huffington, the POTUS himself, and many many more! You can receive these daily updates simply by subscribing to our Twitter feed, @The_Zen_Parrot.

One Picture is Worth One Thousand Criminal Indictments!

Eleven oil rig workers killed. A way of life and an entire culture put at risk. An entire ecosystem despoiled. It's time to enact the corporate death penalty for BP America! The United States government needs to place the corporation into receivership and assume management of its assets.

For ourselves, we plan to boycott BP America and all its subsidiaries, including:

Aral
ARCO
Travel Centre
BP Connect
BP Express
BP Shop
BP 2go
Castrol
Wild Bean Cafe
Air BP and BP Shipping

If anyone knows of any other BP subsidiaries, please let us know so we can add them to the list.